near perfect

shattering the illusion of perfection at every turn
blog about a 21 year old who restricts and binges
welcome to this girl's life

June 20, 2010 at 1:51pm
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currently weigh 109 lbs

1:50pm
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trying to figure out what the heck i wanna do with my life

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May 7, 2010 at 3:18am
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been restricting for almost two weeks

i weigh 119 lbs!

April 11, 2010 at 11:57pm
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current weight 125 lbs

still need to lose 5 lbs

April 10, 2010 at 9:34pm
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fuck.  i’m still so fat. i still don’t weigh 120 lbs yet.

April 6, 2010 at 5:15pm
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this morning i weighed 128 lbs but then i weighed myself again a few minutes ago and i weigh 125 lbs. obviously i’m more inclined to go with the 125.  anyway, i just need to get down to 120 and then i will feel so much better.for one my thighs won’t touch when i walk.  and for another, i will feel even lighter.

—-

i think i got a job today!  as a waitress.  but it’s at a bar.  the owners seem really nice and sweet. 

we’ll see how it turns out.

April 4, 2010 at 6:58pm
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great news!  i just weighed myself.  i weigh 125 pounds!  sometimes i love being sick because i don’t have much of an appetite. 

April 3, 2010 at 11:31am
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i feel so miserable today.  because i’m sick.

plus i haven’t binged in like a week and I still haven’t lost any weight.  i’ve been consuming about a thousand calories per day. 

i think it’s time for drastic action.

March 31, 2010 at 7:54pm
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i didn’t eat much today.  i have a headache.  but i’m not gonna eat.  i must stay strong.  i have to lose the weight.

3:26pm
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dreams

i keep dreaming about this guy i like.  he’s just there.  and me.  in the dreams, we talk and kiss and talk some more.  i read that recurring dreams suggest that there’s something unresolved in my life.  but anyway, i really miss him.

March 30, 2010 at 9:41pm
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thought #11

i’m starting to slip into anorexia again.  my anorexic mind is starting to take over.  it’s controlling me.  and i’m not going to resist because it’s gonna help me be thin… the thinnest girl in the world.

9:01pm
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i’m fat

i feel kinda depressed today.  my size 5 jeans actually fit me.  they actually fit.  a month ago, those jeans were a bit loose on me.  but now they. actually. fit. 

i still weigh like 126 lbs.  all the fat seems to have went to my thighs.  because my wrists and arms and legs and shoulders seems to be about the same as when i weighed 110-115 lbs.

i’m really fat.  i’m pathetic. and ugly.

2:57am
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2 things

1—i can’t sleep

2—i have cramps

March 29, 2010 at 8:13pm
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today

today i drove around.  i dropped off some job applications and then just drove, with the windows down, the radio cranked up.  it was great.  it was a release.

Breakfast—1 tangerine, some rice cakes, orange juice

Lunch—spaghetti, veggies, green beans

Dinner—nothing yet

March 28, 2010 at 4:01pm
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interesting article about the three body types →

apparently, i’m a mesomorph

but i wish i was an ectomorph